Nothing like getting a good nights rest to start your next day off with a bang. You wake up, you’re refereshed, you’re ready to seize the day! Unless of course, you didn’t get a good nights rest, in which case you’re all gloomy, exhausted, and probably hypersensitive to little things that will eventually make you go mad. Been there, done that. By no means am I referring to those nights where you purposely keep yourself up bingeing every MCU film (which is what I did one night leading up to watching Avengers: Infinity War) or those nights where you go out with your friends, break a law, run from the mafia, and end up in jail. No, I am referring to those nights where you are laying in bed, phones off, tablets off, waiting for your mind to turn off, but instead one of two things happen.
First, your mind (and body) is just too stressed to call it a night and you find yourself tossing and turning in your bed, not quite finding the most comfortable position to lay in. To which, you’ve been forced to stay up because your body can’t find the perfect side of the bed to lay on.
Then there is option two. You finally fall asleep. Your mind wanders, your eyes race, and you’re suddenly in a cinema watching your brain put together random events to create the perfect dream. There is free reign within every deep corner of your brain to which it can pull information to apply to this dream. Memories, fantasies, things you saw in a movie, things you thought you saw in a movie, your ambitions, your regrets, your shame, your pride. Everything is on the table. Sometimes however, your brain dives a little too deep into the corners of your mind and there is darkness. Or rather, a nightmare.
Been there, done that.
Yes, it is true. I, the bear, have had countless nightmares that have rendered me unhinged. But the other day, I had a nightmare unlike any other.
It wasn’t necessarily the content of my nightmare that terrified me, per se. It was more so the fact that, half way through my nightmare, I realized I was dreaming. Sounds great right? Now I just snap my fingers and switch to kitties and unicorns. But of course, that would be too easy. You see instead, when I snapped my fingers, the nightmare didn’t go away. Nothing happened. It all stayed the same. Eventually I started freaking out (since my dream was pretty much taking total control of my mind) and I think the anxiety shocked me awake. I woke up to see my consumed-by-darkness room with a single blue light emanating from my laptop charger. Scared as I was to lose my consciousness to my unconsciousness, I sat up, reached for my light switch and flicked it.
Only the light didn’t turn on and I wasn’t actually sitting up. I was still laying in bed, staring at the blue light emanating from behind my desk. I tried to move and failed every time. I laid there like a ragdoll for what felt like hours until I finally felt a nudge in my legs. Alas, there was movement. So I shot up with ever fibre of my being, switched the light on, grabbed my tablet, and put on cartoons. Eventually I fell back asleep.
One of two things happened to me that night. Either I experienced a rather severe case of sleep paralysis or I never actually woke up, I only dreamt that I did.
Which one is worse?