It is not everyday I get to spend quality time with my brother and his friends. Actually, it’s more like once a year. But when we do all get together, we catch up on various topics. With my brothers one friend we discussed schooling, graduating, and even joked around about how long it took him to complete his degree. I finally completed by 4 year degree in 8 years! With another friend, we discussed the travelling she did with her boyfriend to beautiful places all over Europe. With another, we discussed romantic partners. He discussed his new French girlfriend that he’s in love with and I discussed how I got dumped. He turns to me, looks me in the eyes with his beer goggles, and says “Bear, why are you always getting dumped?”
Just punch me in the gut, it would have hurt less.
Of course I retorted “I don’t always get dumped, I only got dumped once!”
Despite his unnecessary commentary, we reflected back on the qualities of my ex and came to the conclusion that I don’t have a process for picking which men are suitable to me. Let’s not get it twisted, many preferences are superficial and vary from person to person, the way the look, behave, treat people. But my brothers friend told me there are 3 fundamental elements to be on the look out for that directly tell you what kind of person they are. I’ve decided to share them all with you to follow at your own leisure.
- Look at the relationship he has with his family
He used my family as a comparison. Although we have our ups and downs, all in all, we have family values that set us apart from the average family. We have family dinners where we all sit together and enjoy a lovely meal, we have not-so-light-hearted discussions with topics that usually revolve around politics, we invite challenge to existing beliefs (although we are rarely acknowledge it), and we are deeply immersed in our culture that sets us apart from the average Canadian. My brothers friend told me to look for a man with a family similar to mine because that means he values family. He values the relationship that he maintains with his family, he values the role of the family on the individual, and values how important family can be to the development of a persons personality.
2. Look at the way he values and spends money
This is not to be confused with how much this persons makes. Don’t get me wrong, there are some women who want to be financially maintained and never have to work a day in their life, and if they find a man that is alright with that, then live and let live. Who am I to judge? But alas, my brothers friend urged me to consider how he spends his money. You can learn a lot about a person by how and what they spend their money on. Those who spend too much may have terrible impulse control and little value to their work, on the other hand splurging every now and then may just be a way of rewarding themselves from a job well done.
3. Look at how they value education
This is not to be confused with how much education they have. It is no secret that in this day-in-age, unless you’re incredibly lucky or know what you’re doing, you need some sort of post-secondary education to find a job that will sustain you for life. Whether it is an apprenticeship, collegiate degree, university degree, masters, or doctorate, all of these are degrees that will push people up the career hierarchy. If these aren’t your style, there are options for those who prefer to work straight out of high-school. I know many people who have dropped out of university and are living with a great starter salary, however they acknowledge just how important and useful education is.
With my brothers friend, we came to the conclusion that my ex struck out on all 3.