‘Tis the season. The holidays are finally upon us. For us students this means no stress worrying about finals, finally being able to sleep in, visiting our friends who are back from university, and coming home to our family (for those who live away from home). For parents, the holidays are about spending too much money on gifts, seeing your kids come home for the season, and finally being able to bond over a game of monopoly. In some cases, like in the case of my mother, parents may also seek pleasure in seeing their kids and their friends reunite at last. My brother just had a massive gathering where he tried to fit over 20 people in a kitchen fit for 5. After months away, my brother came home to a group of friends excited to see each other.
Christmas Day was the same. My family and I went to the annual Christmas dinner party at a family friends house where the adults would enjoy a festive ham dinner and the young adults would enjoy a festive drinking party (rest in peace, our livers). The annual drinking party is a sacred tradition within my brothers friend group. Everyone would gather with their significant others to pre-drink, play ping pong, and catch up on educational endeavours. After the pre-party was over, the party would migrate to the streets for festive bar hopping. Although this year was like every other year, it felt different.
Maybe it’s an introvert thing, but even though I was surrounded by a group of people that I’ve known for ages, I felt out of place. I felt like I had nothing in common with these people. I felt like I was alone. Even when the girls arrived, they were all so in sync with each other and it felt like I was missing something. I was missing that connection to these people that everyone else had already developed. I can’t help but think that because I’m just the sister, I’ll never truly belong with these people. People that I’ve known since I was just a kid that will only ever see me as a nuisance.
On the bright side, I’m not alone. It seems the world is filled with people who feel this way and there are many logical explanations for these feelings of loneliness. As I mentioned previously, it may just be my introverted personality. However, I find that introverts prefer to be alone that in crowds, and although this is sometimes the case, it wasn’t for this particular situation. I love being able to spend time and hangout with these people, after all they are family. Another common explanation revolves around the people in the group. Sometimes we feel lonely because we’re missing that one person that we can connect with that facilitates the socializing process. This could be the explanation for me since my closest friend in the group was a no show. Even so, we haven’t talked in months. Another explanation is, to put it simply, a lack of connection. These people aren’t my friends. They’re my brothers friends.
I’m just the little sister.