Love and the Socially Awkward

This topic is very unusual for me to discuss, not because I’ve endured some traumatic heart-break that will scar me for the rest of my life, but because I’ve simply never felt love. Don’t get me wrong, I love my parents, my annoying siblings, my uncoordinated friends, and my beautiful baby dog and bird. However, I have never quite felt this passionate love that two people find and marry each other for. Now, that doesn’t worry me. I’m not looking for love, if it finds me, wonderful! If it doesn’t, I’m sure it will one day. As someone who has never experienced love, you could imagine I give my friends terrible advice when they ask me about the subject. I do try to be as objective about it as I can. For example, if the person I loved ever cheated on me, I’d like to say I’d have to courage to kick him in the groin and throw him out like a sack of garbage. Realistically though, if I truly am in love with him, will I make excuses for his behavior? Will I accept his apology and take him back? Most likely, I mean love makes people crazy. Don’t confuse this post as an announcement that I’ve found love because I haven’t, not yet. But, the events of the last few days have made me really think about what love is. Is it an opposites attract situation? Is it a first sight situation? Or is it different for everyone (my bet is on that last one)?

I used to believe many things about love (with no personal evidence, of course). I used to believe love at first sight existed. Perhaps I wanted to believe that when I found the man of my dreams, I would know instantly. I scratched that idea off the board when I became socially awkward and got butterflies in my stomach when any person approached me to talk. My mom would always say “hunny, do you really like him, or do you like that you have him?” Well mother, I ask myself this every time I think I like someone. Every time, I say “well I don’t know.” Perhaps it is that uncertainty that confirms the lack of attraction with that person (and by attraction here, I mean emotional, not physical).

I used to believe that you couldn’t just fall in love with someone you’ve never met before. What are you falling in love with? Their bright sky blue eyes, their pearly white teeth, or their Calvin Klein body? They say the eyes are the window to the soul, could it be possible to find love with a mere glimpse into someone’s soul? Sounds comforting doesn’t it? No more worrying about finding the one because you’ll know the second you lock eyes, right? That just seems hopeless to me. Are we not capable of controlling our own destiny? Are we not capable of finding love where and when we want it?

Of course, both those polar opposite opinions have developed throughout watching people in love. Take my neighbour for example. She met the man of her life 10 years before they even started dating. It was only after an incredibly rare outing that put them in the same place at the same time, that they found love. Fast forward to now, my neighbour has been happily married to that incredible man for many years and have two gorgeous kids. Another neighbour found love at first sight. She peered over across the bar, linked eyes with a hot, young fellow, and the rest is history. He walked over, asked for her number, and they have been dating ever since.

Sounds easy right? Then how come I haven’t found love? Because the truth is, it never is that easy. Only in the movies (we need to stop watching so many Nicholas Sparks movies). Here’s the thing, I’ve met guys. Some good ones, some bad ones, some great ones, some horrifying ones. Of course, I haven’t met them very long (I’m the buy her dinner first kind of girl if you know what I mean), they usually don’t find what they’re looking for and jump ship. However I’ve recently come across a new fish, very different from what I’m used to. Actively trying to impress me, gives the greatest back massage without me even asking, pays for the dates (which I’m not totally happy about. If you invest, I invest), always makes sure I have what I need, and most importantly, doesn’t pressure me into doing anything I don’t want to do. Yet, I don’t feel fire works when I’m with him, don’t get me wrong, I’m happy and enjoying it like no other, but there’s no extra umpfh. Do keep in mind we’ve only met two weeks ago, perhaps I just don’t know him well enough to make that call, perhaps he truly is not “the one.” how could I know? It’s not like I know what to expect, after all this is my first rodeo.

3 thoughts on “Love and the Socially Awkward

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